Dream Land

Over the weekend my husband, Zach, and I went to Dallas, TX to a Prophetic Church Conference/School and when I was asking God what I needed to do He said to me," Be a better wife." I will not lie I haven't been the best wife. I haven't cheated but I have talked to people my husband hasn't wanted me to. Last night I had a dream that I got a divorce and I remarried my ex who was a prince(who was my husband, but by a different name.) Then there where two babies my daughter as a small infant probably about 3 months and my best friends baby as a new born.(My daughter is 8 months and my best friends baby is 2 weeks)Though I kept thinking it was strange that I was a virgin in my dream because I had a daughter and there was no way I could be a virgin, but a old lady kept prophesying over me as me and my new husband where about to consummate our marriage. Divorce To dream that you are getting a divorce suggests that you should prioritize your goals and other aspects of your life. This dream could also represent your anxiety of being alone. You could also be dissatisfied with your current partner. Dreams of divorce represent the waking world and the trouble it brings. You may feel that you haven't made the right decision and would like to separate, or 'divorce' from it. Ex To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or that you and your ex got back together indicates that people currently in your life are reminding you of those same feelings. This dream could be warning you that you are falling into a repeated pattern in relationships. You should consider the harsh lessons you may have learned so you don't repeat them. Sometimes, however, past encounters can be satisfying episodes in your life. This dream may also indicate things you have X'ed out within yourself. To dream about your lover's ex could be that you are trying to live up to their standards. This dream is warning you not to do the same thing you did in a previous relationship. To dream that you are kissing your ex suggests that there are certain attributes about your ex that you enjoyed. This dream isn't indicating necessarily that you wish to visit the relationship again, but that you should think about what your ex's better qualities or attributes. These are the attributes you are finally coming to acknowledge within yourself. To dream that your ex has died suggests that the emotions you had for your ex are finally over. You have moved on and he or she is now relegated to your past. Lose To dream of losing something reflects a similar scenario in your waking life. Perhaps you have misplaced an important item, but have not yet realized it. Your dream may be a reminder to put some order in your life. You are swamped with work and this has been resulting in distractions. Do not lose focus and tackle a chore one at a time. Figuratively, losing things in your dream may indicate missed opportunities, past relationships, or neglected facets of your life. You may properly gauge the emotional context and interpretation of your dream by paying attention to the item lost in your dream. Virgin To dream that you are a virgin represents your purity and innocence. It may also be a representation of your untapped potential. When a married women has a dream in which she is still a virgin, it is an indication that she has regrets about her past decisions and is concerned about the direction her waking life has taken Baby To dream of a baby represents virtue, comfort, and starting over. Babies embody all aspects of your personality and character that are untainted and chaste. Marriage To dream of a marriage represents change, harmony, and obligations. You are facing a significant stage in your life where you will begin a new journey. It may also symbolize the joining of your various attributes and characteristics, especially the male and female attributes. To dream of a marriage proposal indicates that some issue will influence you negatively. To dream that you are getting married to your ex implies that you have come to terms with lessons and errors that you made in that relationship. You have been able to grow and discover new truths about yourself. It may also suggest that if you are in a relationship now, there are similar aspects as your previous relationship. You will not commit similar errors though. You have learned how to make changes. If you find a baby in your dream, this indicates that you possess the ability to discover suppressed attributes and talents within yourself. If you dream that you forgot you had a baby, then it implies your desire to conceal aspects of your life that you believe others will perceive as inadequate or insufficient. If you dream that you are on your way to the hospital to have a baby, then it represents your need for comfort and nurturing. You rely on others to help you achieve your goals. It's also possible that you want to avoid an obligation. If you are pregnant, then this dream may represent your fears of not receiving adequate care when you are ready to give birth. To dream of crying babies foretells of misfortunes, possible sicknesses, and hardships to come. A bright, clean baby indicates that your life will be blessed with close relationships. If a woman dreams she is nursing a baby this can indicate that someone very close to her will betray her confidence. If your baby is sick with a fever in the dream, then this implies emotional distress. To dream about a starving baby suggests that you are reliant on other people. You are lacking some aspect that must be satisfied urgently. To see a dead baby in your dream indicates that some attribute or feature that you possess no longer exists. To dream of an extremely small baby indicates that you are hesitant to allow others to see your true feelings and emotions. You don't want them to know that you need assistance, and so you tackle a problem independently. To dream that you are dipping a baby in and out of water implies that you wish that you didn't have to face such burdening obligations. It reverts your subconscious back to the warm and tender time spent in the womb before birth. This dream may be representative of your desire to seek for a place of solace and relief. Prince To see a prince in your dream foretells of receiving honor, achieving recognition, and gaining prestige. It may also indicate you wish to find romance and your soul mate. Princess To dream you are a princess signifies realization of your full potential. You still need to mature and refine your character. On the other hand, it may mean you make unreasonable demands and act like a spoiled brat.

How I became darken and drunk

This is the reason I met my husband. The darkness in me.

In April 2011, I gave up on God. I gave up on pretty much everything. See I had hundreds of thousands of things knock me down, but nothing like this, nothing I could not get back up from. Honestly I had a bad childhood, but I always had one person who was there every step of the way my brother, Dusty. He was my baby, I changed his diapers, I fed him, and I gave him baths. I was a year and a nine months when he was born. In my eyes my brother was perfection at its finest. I was one of those crazy moms who watch their kids do something wrong and swear up and down that they could not hurt a fly even though they just did, but I was not his mom I was his big sister. This made me his protector and his guider. For a long long time he was my heart and soul, my reason for living. I guess I should also say we fought like cats and dogs, but he was still my baby.

The reason we fought was because we did not know anything else, my father, James, was a very abusive man fiscally and emotionally. He use to beat me and my brother for almost no reason, not saying we where angels, but one time he beat us for leaving out baseball trophies out in the play house. This was the only life we knew. So we fought.

To honestly say that statement breaks my heart. Having my daughter now and I could never imagine being that cruel. I never could before but I will do anything to protect anything like that from ever happening to her. *Pshhh some people are just ignorant*

As we grew up we had a savior. Her name was Donna and she was our aunt, but she raised us and that made her our mom. (I will tell about her later)

The reason for me telling you the few captions above…

In April 2011 my brother was murdered, by one of his “friends”. The day I went back to that town I thought it was some kind of sick joke. Maybe my car had just got stolen and burned. There couldn’t really be bodies in there, and if there was it could not be my baby. Then when it was confirmed it was my world stopped and I looked up and saw that the real world did not. I was so angry how everyone could keep going like nothing happened!?!?!? My world had just been ripped apart in seconds, and they acted like nothing was going on. That is when I turned my back on God. How could after everything Dusty and I had gone through how could God do this. I had accepted everything before because God had a plan for me, but this I could not accept.

My brother was no angel. He had a long battle with all drugs, (At the time he died he was clean) his hardest battle was heroin. The reason for this battle was men of this earth. We had been abandoned by our mother and father. These people that where meant to keep us safe and love us where our biggest disappointments. Then when Dusty was 11 he was molested by someone he trusted a family member none the lease and a man. At this time we where living in Peggs, OK, we didn’t have food, water, or electricity. There was a hole in the floor of the kitchen. We where the “stinky” kids. We went to live with our birth mother shortly after things just kept getting worse, but it never felt like there was room for us there. She had her daughter, Shelby, who was her pride and joy and twins on the way.

So we went to live with our mom Donna, but I think there is only so much damage a person can take before they are unfixable, without the Lord, and I think those things he would not let erase. That life of disappointment became normal for my brother. So he brought people in that would disappoint him and he would try to fix them. I think he thought if he fixed them it would fix him and account for all the wrongs he had made.

The person who killed him was a kid, 19, him and my brother where friends. They where in my car. He was shot in the back of the head with a sawed of shotgun. The front part of his skull was missing it took them two weeks to identify him because there was barley any left of him. They could not do DNA testing because he burnt the car and the body so bad there was barley anything left of either, the metal rims melted off. There was another kid with them Alex, who we basically grew up with, that, was murdered that day as well. He shot him there were hundreds of pellets in his head and then he smashed Alex head in with a rock and burned him as well.

In high sight it was probably the best thing for my brother, to head home to live with God. My brother had just started making his way back to the Lord when this happened. He had a twisted soul, and it was from men of this earth. Not our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

The start of my marriage

I am one of the most impatient people I know, or possibly you'll ever know. I can never wait, for anything. Not even for my daughter to be born.(I went and got induced) 

Today in church we went over Joshua 5-8 but the part that stuck out to me was where He is telling Joshua he should have went to Him for His guidance on Ai.

Short run of this story:

God had the Isralight's destroy Jerusalem, and that land was to be devoted to the Lord and everything that was left was devoted and only for the Lord. (Anything that has been devoted to the Lord be comes precious to Him, and it is just for him) Well things where taken from Ai, and the man that took the devoted things of the Lord was stoned to death along with his family. *I know Harsh* 

What I am learning ever day is to be more and more patient. It is a slow agonizing process, but I am doing it with the grace of the Lord. 

What this blog is about, Me and My Husband, Rants, Raves, and Me learning to be a wife.

Who I am Jamie Rye-Seeley, my husband Zach.

The day we met was eight days after my brothers birthday, (I will get to why this is important in a bit.) July 10 2011. I had gone tubing in the Salt River with a bunch of friends that day. Needless to say it is a very hot party spot during the summer, and I ended up drunk. After about 5 hours the river ride ended, but the fun did not. We headed back to Ben’s house to continue the party fun. That is where I met my Zach. He had a MMA tournament that day, but his mother, Jackie, fell off a ladder and broke her leg. So instead of heading to the tournament he headed to Bens to play beer pong. When he walked in I smelled his Armani Black cologne. I told him he smelt good, and he was kind of stuck up. So guess what I did, I told him off, for being rude.

(Nothing makes me more upset then some jerky guy that think he is Mr. God’s gift to earth because he had name brand clothing… Rude guys will be talked about at some point I am sure.)

Just so it is clear my husband is not that guy at all. He was just upset about his tournament, and at that point I knew nothing of it. Also, maybe I should clarify now I was at a really bad point in my life where I just did not care ant more… but the reason for that is to come.

Later, we where all playing beer pong, and flashing on the river came up. Well one of the guys started complaining. So I flashed him, he just happened to be standing next to Zach. So I flashed him as well. (I was really really drunk.) Right after that I started not filling so hot, so I went to lie down. One of the other guys that where at the party took it upon himself to assume we where going to hook up. (No matter how drunk I’ve ever been I have never hooked up with any one, and never will. Even this girl *ME* who was in the darkest place of her life had some morals left.) BACK to jerky guys, I hate this guy even more then the stuck up ones, you know the ones you see in high school, in college, at the bar, or even a life time movie. The ones that try to take advantage of the drunken defenseless chick, well I am not nor will ever be defenseless and I punched him and kicked him off the bed. He left crying and screaming.

(Ladies please heed my warning. DO NOT EVER TAKE A DRINK IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHATS IN IT. PLEASE DO NOT EVER LEAVE WITH SOME GUY YOU DO NOT KNOW. PLEASE DO NOT THINK BECAUSE YOU MET SOMEONE AND THEY ARE CHARMING THAT YOU KNOW THEM AND THEY ARE THE ONE. Give everything time to play out properly. The sad truth is you never truly know someone until you have been through hell with them and that takes love, commitment, and marriage. Sadly it took me a long time to learn that.)

The next day, Zach my husband, sent me a request on facebook, and we started talking. That was the start to the rest of our lives.